Building Habits

A Challenge to Parents: Raising Children with Eternity in Mind

After 20 years of marriage, seven children, and 14 years of coaching young people, I have come to a realization about my role as a parent. It is something that has changed the way I think about raising my children, the decisions we make as a family, and ultimately what I consider success as a father.

My children do not belong to me. They belong to their Creator.

God has entrusted them to my wife and me for a period of time, and our responsibility is to return them to Him better than we found them. Another way of saying this, and perhaps the simplest way I know how, is that my primary goal as a father is to help my children get to Heaven.

Now, some of you might read that and think it sounds a little extreme. But the more I study Scripture, the more convinced I become that this is exactly how we should approach parenting. We are told repeatedly that we will be held accountable for what we have done and what we have failed to do. Our choices matter, our actions matter, and the way we raise the children entrusted to us matters.

If I truly believe this, then it should dramatically change the way I approach parenting.

Building Habits That Lead to Holiness

If my ultimate goal is to help my children get to Heaven, then I need to be intentional about helping them develop habits that put God first and equip them to live holy lives.

These habits come in many forms, and the process begins at a very young age. As our children grow, our role as parents changes, but I am not convinced the responsibility ever really ends. There are seasons when we must be incredibly hands-on, teaching, correcting, encouraging, and modeling the behaviors we want to see. There are other seasons when we must learn to step back, allowing our children to make decisions, experience consequences, and be shaped by other people God places in their lives.

Both require intentionality.

The challenge is that I believe we have lost sight of this in modern parenting. We have become incredibly intentional about worldly outcomes while often leaving the eternal formation of our children to chance.

Think about how much time and energy we invest in helping our children earn good grades, achieve a certain SAT score, attend the right university, secure a successful career, or excel in athletics and the arts. We carefully select schools, coaches, teachers, teams, and opportunities because we want to give our children every possible advantage.

There is nothing inherently wrong with pursuing these things. In fact, I believe we should teach our children to pursue excellence in everything they do.

But what happens when we become more intentional about preparing our children for college than we are about preparing them for Heaven?

What happens when we spend more time developing their athletic skills than their ability to pray? When we place greater emphasis on their academic performance than their willingness to serve others? When we carefully evaluate who will coach their team but give little thought to who is shaping their understanding of God?

These are questions I have been asking myself, and they have challenged me to reconsider what I am doing and, more importantly, why I am doing it.

Our Responsibility Is to Plant the Seeds

One of the most freeing realizations I have had as a parent is that I am not responsible for controlling the final outcome of my children's lives.

That belongs to God.

My responsibility is to plant seeds, cultivate the soil, provide opportunities for growth, and help establish habits that will serve my children throughout their lives. What ultimately grows from those seeds is subject to God's providence and the free choices my children will make.

I cannot guarantee that my children will become successful professionals, outstanding athletes, or even that they will make every decision I hope they make. I certainly cannot guarantee their salvation.

But I can be intentional about the habits we build, the environment we create, the examples we set, and the people we invite to help form them.

And I believe God expects that intentionality from us.

Introducing the Building Habits Series

This brings me to the purpose of this new series on the B3rd Athletics blog.

Building Habits will be an ongoing collection of reflections on the habits I want to develop in my own children and the practical ways my wife and I are trying to help them build those habits.

Some will focus on faith, prayer, and spiritual discipline. Others will explore competitiveness, work ethic, accountability, courage, humility, relationships, service, and the many other qualities I believe help young people become who God created them to be.

I will not approach these topics in any particular order. Instead, I plan to write about what God places on my heart, what I am seeing in my own family, and what I have learned through years of coaching and working with young people.

I also want to be clear about something: My way does not have to be your way.

I certainly do not have parenting figured out. Seven children have given me plenty of opportunities to recognize that! What works with one child might not work with another, and what works in one season of life might need to change in the next.

But I do believe every parent should have a thoughtful reason behind the decisions they make.

We should understand the WHY behind the WHAT.

Why are we encouraging this activity? Why are we choosing this school? Why are we allowing this influence? Why are we teaching this habit? Why are we spending our time, money, and energy in this particular way?

And perhaps most importantly, who are we allowing to help shape our children?

The people we surround our children with matter tremendously. Coaches, teachers, friends, mentors, and family members all contribute to the formation of the young people entrusted to us. Choosing those influences should never be an afterthought.

God First. Others Second. Me Third.

At B3rd Athletics, our mission is built around a simple philosophy: God First. Others Second. Me Third.

I believe that same philosophy should guide the way we raise our children.

Putting God first cannot simply be one part of our parenting strategy. He must be the foundation that defines the entire process. Every habit we encourage, every opportunity we pursue, and every decision we make should be evaluated through the lens of our relationship with Him.

That does not mean every activity must be explicitly religious. Athletics, academics, chores, friendships, competition, and even failure can become powerful classrooms for spiritual formation when we approach them with the right perspective.

The goal is not simply to raise children who behave well, achieve great things, or make us proud.

The goal is to help raise young men and women who know who they are, understand whose they are, and live with passion and purpose because they know whom they are living for.

Children who understand that their identity comes from God, not their accomplishments. Children who pursue excellence without making success their god. Children who recognize that their gifts and talents are meant to serve something greater than themselves.

And ultimately, children who develop habits that help them grow in holiness long after they have left our homes.

That is the challenge I want to explore through Building Habits.

My hope is that this series encourages parents to become more intentional, challenges some of our assumptions about success, and provides practical ideas that we can put into action with our children.

I am not writing as someone who has all the answers, but as a father who is still learning, still making mistakes, and still trying to become the parent God has called me to be.

I hope you will join me on this journey, reflect on the habits you are building in your own home, and perhaps share some of what has worked for your family along the way.

Because at the end of the day, we are not simply raising children for success in this world. We are preparing them for eternity.

God First. Others Second. Me Third.

— Tanner Field

Co-Founder, B3rd Athletics